4. On Friendship and the Self

On Friendship (F) and the Self

[A philosophical commentary from psychological egoism. TBC...]

Now I fundamentally do not believe that F is required for a good quality, sentient life. Nor do I believe that a sufficient condition of F is proximity; rather, I believe that F is fundamentally rooted in pleasure and thus, is inherently selfish. We experience F as a means to an end. Now that isn’t to say it is a mere means but it is definitely a route or guiding post that we seek when wanting to feel good.

They say that desire is the root of all evil. But what if most of our pleasures are entirely for an intended good. F allows us to tick off a few of the things we like about ourselves, confirming them to be true in our understanding of self. It purports that we are wanted, needed even and, worthy of falling head first into the arms of someone that considers us a ‘confidant’, a ‘worthy’ friend.

What is ‘confidant’ if not etymologically linked to ‘confidence’: I am confident that I can make you feel good, I am confident that you can do something for or because of me.

Friendship is virtuous, yes. But not in the way we are taught. And in that I am here to say that all perceived notions of selfless acts in the name of F are false.

What is it, if not the promise of dopamine? A neuro-chemical release in anticipation of a return? When you sit through ninety minutes of their monologue, when you offer your shoulder as a vessel for their grief, or travel hours to pack their moving boxes, ask yourself: Are you acting out of love, or are you paying a premium on an insurance policy? Your motive is not pure; it is a down payment on your own future crisis.

Is this 'virtue,' or is it a calculated investment? You listen, you labor, and you travel across oceans, not for them, but for the version of yourself that their gratitude validates.

Are you not simply chasing the high of being needed? If the promise of a mutual exchange were permanently revoked, would you still fly those eight hours? Or is your 'goodness' merely a mask for a deep, fundamental selfishness that demands a return on every emotional investment

 It is egocentric. 

I ask: would you be a good person but for the absolute reciprocation of it?